I've been told that everybody wears a mask when they are out in public, i never beleived it till recently. I was having a talk with myself literally and istarted to realise the past few years but i me my ex i was hiding behind a mask, but it was one that i had asked forto hide he way i am, but this time after the break up i kinda fell into wearing it and i cant remove it. I', afriad of taking it off for i dont know what lies behind. I'm to comfortable inside it and just dont want to remove it. I'm also afriad of how i'm strting to act, i'm more fuck you then ever and i don't care about others anymore, i walk down a hallway and nothing breaks past the mask, I hear stories of people who suffered and i'm snickering, but the problem is that i'm turing out to be heartless and cold.

I have done one of the stupedest things of recent, i broke up with somebody, i guess listening to yourself is not always the best thing, the best way for me to describe her is with quotes from songs that remind me of her, i will be updating this page, i guess its really a place for me to talk to myself.

Like a gift from the heavens, it was easy to tell,
It was love from above, that could save me from hell, She had fire in her soul it was easy to see,
how the devil himself could be pulled out of me, There were drums in the air as she started to dance,
Every soul in the room keeping time with there hands (into the night Nickelback.)

i don't know why but something in my head was just telling me that something was wrong, i spent weeks arguing with myself at night thinking it would help. but when i finally stopped and listened she cant get out of my head and i regret everything i have done since that day, i can't sleep right walk straight and i can barely think.

well updating a bit late of my old journal bought the black belt. Well i got it and the added bonus of Sensei. for those who dont know black belt is the highest belt color you get. for me its white, yellow, orange, green, blue, purple, brown then black. and a Sensei is an instructor so somebody who can teach for cash. the others go their promotions also. I'm really anjoying the fact that people i used to torture now have to call me sensei matt not just matt.

sitting here waiting for tomorow night i get promotoed to black belt and sensei *instructor*. man just finished reading mikes journal about how retarded avril lavigne is or w/e. Ya mike totaly agree shes losing her talent. and her looks i could barely recongnize here anymore. And that douche better not be in transfomer or i will shoot the producer of the movie

this is what should be done to avril and the shea dude


one for both